Alhamdulillah, my wish to cycle has finally been accomplished.
I went to East Coast Park last Sunday. I joined Aliff and his big family for a picnic.
We played with the sand, drowned our feets into sand while the sea water washed the sand away from our feet. Engraved our names on the sand, walking along the shore barefooted. Ahhh, memories.
But there were unlucky moments where I kept being involved in accidents with children. Annoying children, they were.
Rasa annoying gila bila orang tengah cycle, budak ni dari belakang menyelit antara saya dengan satu orang ni kat sebelah. Kita bukan berjalan pun yang bole kasi way senang-senang. Bukannya dia nak stop atau bunyikan lonceng tau. Last-last bukan budak tu yang orang nak marah, orang akan pandang saya yang bersalah. Ah memang keseeyalan.
Banyak lagi kes-kes langgar, tapi saya tak sengaja, orang ni tak reti pakai lonceng untuk signal. Bodoh punya spesis. Yang paling menonjolkan kebodohannya, satu cina bukit ni, nak suruh cyclist (sayalah tu), berenti kasi dia jalan. Eh dia banyak punya menteri nak kasi respek kat dia? Kalau menteri pun, saya tak layan lah. Kita ni manusia semua setaraf, tak kira pangkat apa pun. Masing-masing ada kekurangan. Jadi toksah nak berlagak mana, nak mengarah-ngarah. Boleh blah.
So after an hour of cycling, we took a break at Burger King before heading home. It was really tiring since I have not been cycling for the past 2 years. Lama tu!
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Labels: love
Not at all. I have no problems with cutting a lot of foods so far. It has been a smooth journey so far.
I feel full, I don't think of food (rice,cakes,chocolates) and not even sweet drinks. But the best thing is that I can still feel energetic even with just a sandwich to survive the day. Alhamdulillah, its good that I could have this healthy habits to kick in since I am already a fan of mineral water! LOL! But since it is only the fourth day, I have yet to see any weight loss. But daddy said my cheeks are less chubby now. Well, I am waiting for more surprises to come, insyaallah!
Okay that is all for today. Toodles~
I have been doing several research about a slimming supplement product which might be beneficial for me. It is called Jusmate 5. This product is not available in Singapore, thus I had a great difficulty in purchasing this product.
But, Alhamdulillah, Ayah helped me to open up Maybank account (the product is only available in Malaysia,which is why). I also managed to find a distributor whom I can trust.
Alhamdulillah, currently JM5 has arrived to me safely and I welcome JM5 to my life.
My goal is, to get in size M by July, because August dah raya kan. Hehe.. Ini bermakna I have roughly 3 months. It does sound impossible. But if I can't reach my target, that is okay. At least lose some weight.
The first drink will be tonight (16th April) at 8pm..
So here is a diet plan I am hoping to comply to strictly.
Pagi (6am) - Wholemeal bread, tuna with lettuce (127 kcal + 61 kcal + 3 kcal = 191 kcal)
Tengahari (1petang) - JM5 (73 kcal)
Petang (5 petang) - Epal hijau and Sandwich tuna with lettuce (36 kcal + 191 kcal = 227 kcal)
Malam (Sebelum tidur) - JM5 (73 kcal)
Total kcal: 564 kcal
And the most important thing is to drink plenty of mineral water.
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Can I update a bit about yesterday (although I know I might be blabbering)? So here it is:
I woke up at 11.30am yesterday feeling tired and the swollen eye just got worst! Maybe because I just woke up, but the thing is, I can hardly open the eyes. So I spent almost half an hour compressing my swollen eye with cold water. Haha it felt desperate and it looked retarded, really. Hoping that make-up and wearing shawl might be a good coverage of the swollen eye, I get myself ready to Taman Jurong Community Centre. Hell yes, that far! And mind you, it was raining heavily with thunders and lightnings. Phobia turned up.
So finally get out by 1.30pm, which was the fastest because I don't want to be late because of rain. The moment I reach Lakeside, I was so lost! I felt so scared although I'm still in Singapore. With the help of street directory, Kak Muni and Kak Lia, I managed to alight opposite of the destination.
So as I mentioned, it was raining, thundering, lightning, the moment I stepped out of the bus stop, I got the shock of the day! My knees wobbled, my heart was pounding so hard that I felt macam nak rebah (Sorry I can't think of the right English word for this! LOL!). I was informed by dear that his dad will be fetching me from the bus stop.
I can't describe how happy I was to see dear standing right in front of me. I can't help to smile so widely and I almost jumped out of happiness because I was that happy! But I managed to be cool because of the presence of his parents and sisters. Nyehehe! :P
So when the competition started, it was quite mundane until dear's performance. I was already feeling so nervous, and that kind of feeling he would probably feel. His voice never failed to melt my heart away. Alhamdulillah the whole al qawi performed so well yesterday. But maybe bukan rezeki semalam. But thats okay. I know they will come back and get what they deserve to bring home.
After the interval, I didn't stay because I have curfew which means I must be home before 10pm. Since I still have the time, me and Kak Lia went to Jurong Point. We were like tourist because we were lost on our way to Banquet. It was crowded at that time. So we just take up any seats. Had the usuals - Fried sliced fish soup. And what made me so happy before we went home was... When she was buying a drink for us, one of the seller asked me if I'm buying. And Kak Lia said, "My sister". Wah I feel so shy but yet so happy. Well thats because I have no sister at home. So hearing somebody saying that I'm her sister, it really felt good. Tetiba perasaan sayang pada Kak Lia berputik gitu. Like how a young sister would feel for an elder sister gitu. Cheh!
And yesterday, was also my best friend's birthday. Since the day we last met each other, I don't know how to approach her. But I will prepare something for her after my first pay later, to make-up for her birthday, Insyaallah....
Here's a song to share. Eversince this song was out, I have been listening to it (till now) and this song has always given me the motivation to be a better person and the strength to overcome any obstacles regardless about friendship, relationship, work or even life.
Kau melihat diriku
Seperti sesuatu
Yang mencabar dirimu
Akal dan mindamu
Kau mendustaiku
Kau bilang mereka tak tahu
Siapa diriku
Sedangkan kau juga begitu
Segala kata cacian
Yang telah engkau berikan
Membuatku rasa
Kosong...kosong
Setiap detik diperhatikan
Kau cari cara putar belitkan
Kau jadikan diriku
Kosong...kosong
Kini aku bangkit
Membuktikan yang ku tak sakit
Dengan segala perit yang kau berikan
Kini aku pantas berjalan
Bergerak ke hadapan
Dan akan ku buktikan
Siapa diriku yang sebenar
Kosong...kosong
Segala kata cacian
Yang telah engkau berikan
Membuatku rasa
Kosong .. kosong
Setiap detik diperhatikan
Kau cari cara putar belitkan
Kau jadikan diriku
Kosong...kosong
Segala kata cacian
Yang telah engkau berikan
Membuatku rasa
Kosong...kosong
Sing along with the song. Try it out. ;)
Self-esteem. What is self-esteem, you might ask?
It means how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see yourself.
And currently, my self-esteem is closely to zero. Low enough?
Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Your self image is based on how you see yourself. Low self esteem feeds your negative thinking and causes you to believe the critcism others make of you. Even if you know someone out there does not think that way, but if everyday you're feed with negative remarks, your strength to believe in such positivity disappears like magic.
Why am I even blabbering about self-esteem?
Self esteem is crucial of a positive attitude towards living. It is very important because it affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other people. It allows you to live life to your potential. Low self esteem means poor confidence and that also causes negative thoughts which means that you are likely to give up easily rather than face challenges. In addition, it has a direct bearing on your happiness and wellbeing.
And this means, ME! The girl who is no longer that happy, cheerful, outgoing, that can talk non-stop, laugh happily, crack random jokes and make people smile. These people put me down, so low, that low, that my confidence level just go down the drain. I tried to avoid crowds, avoid gatherings, and even my most favourite thing to do, cam-whoring.
I can't bear any longer when people everywhere said that I'm fat, so fat, and starts comparing me with some adults who are also fat, trying to show that I have the same size as them, or worst, trying to compare my body size, that is multiples of a smaller body sizes.
I am still a girl, and I am very sensitive to this issue. Maybe, some would not mean that harsh way, but still, thats not the way to tell me to do things. I am SO HURT with the words i heard these days. What hurts the most is when your own family keeps giving those remarks.
I don't feel confident whenever there are cameras. I'm afraid i would look ugly, so big like a giant surrounded by skinny people. The worst part is, having to be compared! If you have not been in my shoes before, please don't say " Ignore what people say, blablabla".
You have no idea how much I tried to ignore but the heart still aches! And even now, i guess nobody knows how much i tried to hold back these tears, how strong I tried to appear on the outside and how much tears had been rolling down these chubby cheeks, because of those remarks.
I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I have no idea if I would ever lose any inches, would ever have a nice body size or even fit any nice clothes. I have to admit, I can't fit to most of my old clothes. I just. Don't know what else to say. Keeping quiet is bliss.
Labels: breakdown
