It means how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see yourself.
And currently, my self-esteem is closely to zero. Low enough?
Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Your self image is based on how you see yourself. Low self esteem feeds your negative thinking and causes you to believe the critcism others make of you. Even if you know someone out there does not think that way, but if everyday you're feed with negative remarks, your strength to believe in such positivity disappears like magic.
Why am I even blabbering about self-esteem?
Self esteem is crucial of a positive attitude towards living. It is very important because it affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other people. It allows you to live life to your potential. Low self esteem means poor confidence and that also causes negative thoughts which means that you are likely to give up easily rather than face challenges. In addition, it has a direct bearing on your happiness and wellbeing.
And this means, ME! The girl who is no longer that happy, cheerful, outgoing, that can talk non-stop, laugh happily, crack random jokes and make people smile. These people put me down, so low, that low, that my confidence level just go down the drain. I tried to avoid crowds, avoid gatherings, and even my most favourite thing to do, cam-whoring.
I can't bear any longer when people everywhere said that I'm fat, so fat, and starts comparing me with some adults who are also fat, trying to show that I have the same size as them, or worst, trying to compare my body size, that is multiples of a smaller body sizes.
I am still a girl, and I am very sensitive to this issue. Maybe, some would not mean that harsh way, but still, thats not the way to tell me to do things. I am SO HURT with the words i heard these days. What hurts the most is when your own family keeps giving those remarks.
I don't feel confident whenever there are cameras. I'm afraid i would look ugly, so big like a giant surrounded by skinny people. The worst part is, having to be compared! If you have not been in my shoes before, please don't say " Ignore what people say, blablabla".
You have no idea how much I tried to ignore but the heart still aches! And even now, i guess nobody knows how much i tried to hold back these tears, how strong I tried to appear on the outside and how much tears had been rolling down these chubby cheeks, because of those remarks.
I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I have no idea if I would ever lose any inches, would ever have a nice body size or even fit any nice clothes. I have to admit, I can't fit to most of my old clothes. I just. Don't know what else to say. Keeping quiet is bliss.
Labels: breakdown
